Thursday, 29 September 2011

Officially having a bad day!

Yes, I've decided after clearing up my 3 years old puddle of wee on the dinning room floor that my day can not possibly get any worse.  It's only just gone 11 o'clock and already I can't wait for Thursday to end and Friday to begin.

I'll start at the very beginning, which was around 7pm last night when I slipped on the wet bathroom floor, managed to land non to elegantly in the middle of the hallway.  I have hurt my leg, my back and nearly managed to rip off my big toe.  Not a pretty sight. Sat and had a little cry and then laughed hysterically at myself. What a bloody idiot.

Moving on, I opted for an early night  with my book, which I am unable to put down at the minute.  After 2 hours of reading and not feeling at all sleepy.  I decided that I needed to turn off the light, just close my eyes and get some sleep.  Three hours later I was still closing my eyes and praying I would fall asleep. 

Why do stupid random thoughts that are totally insignificant suddenly seem like a big deal at 2 am in the morning?  It is beyond me.  The last clock check was 3.35am at which point I must have drifted off.  Only to be woken at 4.02am be my little boy getting in my bed.  Nightmares!.  For the first time ever I just lifted him in my bed and went back to sleep.  5.30 am my little girl comes through. " Can I get in your bed, mummy?" "Just get in" I groaned.  Within 5 minutes the pair of them were fighting over me in the bed .  "For gods sake just let me get some sleep" I shouted.

Anyway, 3 coffees later I was starting to feel slightly human.  The school run was done, washing hanging on the line.  I had completed my few jobs that I desperately needed to get done, quick vacuum through and that would be that.  What a silly notion.  Managed to knock my already sore toe on the corner of the table and blood instantly poured all over my cream carpet.  Scrabbled round trying to grab tissues before anymore dripped and knocked over a glass of juice in the process. At this point I swore really loudly and had a good rant and rave to myself.

The sun is shinning so I had the great idea of sitting in the garden for half an hour, with my book, another coffee and chocolate biscuits.  Got my self comfy in the garden chair, feet up, perfect! Too good to be true, of course, up rolls a digger and starts digging up the drains right outside my house.  "Thanks a chuffing lot" I shout, I wasn't heard over the rumble of the drills. I wouldn't mind if they had sent some young, fit, workmen.  You know, something nice to look at, but oh no, I get the bald, old, beer belly variety

So here I am sat inside with the door closed having a moan.  My 3 year is also not in a good mood today.  He appears to have lost the power of movement or speech.  He's laid in the middle of the floor with his blankie watching the TV and the only word that comes out of his mouth is "muuummmmy" In a horrible, whingy, tone.  "'I'v run away, Charlie" I shout "Run away to a place far, far away!"

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Not tonight love!

A woman at work has pulled her back and been off sick recently, when asked how she had done it she replied "Humping furniture with my hubby.  Everyone fell about laughing and the conversation soon turned to humping, or rather lack of it once you are married.  "When you've been married as long as I have you don't do things like that anymore" she laughed.

Of course the conversation moved onto the things you do to avoid sex.  Speaking from personal experience, as a mother of two young children, the last thing on my mind was having sex. Being at the beck of call of two screaming kids all day.  I longed for the evening to get them to bed so I could put my feet up with a coffee and watch the TV in peace.  I hadn't even been married long.  A mere 2 years, looking back there really is no wonder that I am now getting divorced.

The biggest nightmare had to be a Saturday night.  Just because it was a weekend it didn't make me feel horny.  It just filled me with dread wondering what excuse I could use this weekend.  There are only so many times that you can have a headache, or stomach ache, or just generally not feel well.  Of course there was always the drink a bottle of wine far to quickly and get far to drunk to be able to stand let alone anything else option.  That wasn't so good at 6am on a Sunday morning when the kids woke you up bouncing on the bed.

My favourite has to be the I'm going to bed early to read my book option.  Knowing I would have about 20 minutes before I was followed up. I would feign sleep as soon I heard the squeak of the stairs, the book would be dropped and I would snuggle under the covers with eyes squeezed shut.  The door would open, I'd give a little snore and the door would close, listen for the squeak of the stairs and mission accomplished.  I knew then I had a good few hours of peace to read my book whilst he sulked downstairs.

I became a master of avoidance and would go out of my way to know all the signs and make my hasty escape.  There was no kissing, no touching, no contact of any sort.  At this point my sex life was over.  I'd been there, done that and worn the t-shirt as the saying goes.

Now I'm in my 30's I have a new man in my life and my feelings on that score have definitely changed...

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

I'm feeling very very emotional today.  My baby girl is going to be 6 tomorrow.  Where has the time gone?  It feels like only yesterday that I was anxiously waiting to go in for my c-section.  Yep, Faye was an awkward baby and it was a planned section, so this time 6 years ago I was double checking my bag to ensure I had everything I needed and feeling slightly nervous about what lay ahead.

I don't think I slept a wink that night.  Throughout my pregnancy there had been concerns over how my baby was developing. I was back and forwards to the hospital every other day for 4 months.  Check ups, scans, heart moniers, blood tests.  I think I knew every consultant in the department by the time I was finished.  At 29 weeks they were all set to deliver her and I was given steroid injections to help develop her lungs.  But then everything changed.  She stayed where she was and arrived only a week early.  She was classed as a small baby and I had no assurances that everything would be ok.  How small she was they really had no idea or what complications could arise.  I had visions of this tiny tiny baby being taken straight to special care.

Hearing that tiny cry was the best moment ever.  Weighing in at just 5lb 14 oz she was tiny but perfect.  With 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes I had the baby girl I had dreamed of.  I was old fashioned in that I didn't want to know the sex of my baby I wanted it to be a surprise, but secretly I was desperately hoping for a girl. 

The first night with her I sat up all night long just holding her in my arms and looking at her.  I needed to memorise every little inch of her.  I needed to feel her, to touch her, to kiss her.  I couldn't bear to be parted for a second.  The feeling of love was over-whelming and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of that time.  It was me and my girl against the world.

She is no longer my baby.  She is a little girl that is growing up fast. She's cheeky, mischievous, very stroppy and occasionally naughty and I wouldn't change her for the world. She is my princess and I love her to pieces. 

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Spiders!

Anyone that knows me knows that I cannot cope with spiders.  Just the very thought of those 8 spindly legs, scurrying god knows where sends a shudder down my spine.  I can cope with pretty much anything but these are no go areas.  The last spider I had to evict took me 20 minutes to get rid of and it was only the guilt that it was next to my baby's bed that made to do it.  Otherwise I would have shut the door and left it to it. 

I have been given numerous hints and tips on getting rid of them including the vacuum but I just cannot do it.  The thought that runs through my mind is what if it touches me? Arrgggh...

So, tonight when Faye shouted "Mum, look at this spider, it's massive" I closed my eyes and just put my head on the table.  I couldn't deal with that tonight. Sneaking a peak, it was a monster. By the looks of it it had brought it's sleeping bag and was planning on sticking around. "Don't worry" she shouted "pass me the jug I'll sort it for you"  Bless her, I thought.  What is she going to do with it? but I happily handed her the jug and like a shot it was captured, a book slipped expertly under and within seconds it was trapped and than released at the bottom of the garden.

To say I was impressed is an understatement.  I cowered in the kitchen like a baby while she just got on with the task at hand.  she is definitely my hero.

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Bogies!

We went on our first Autumnal walk today and had the best time.  It was a case of wellies on (Yep, I have wellies with big stars on them) rain jackets at the ready and off we went.   It was a good job because it was rather muddy in places and it did rain a bit, but we didn't care.

Charlie found a huge puddle to splash in and it wasn't long before Faye and I were joining in.  Unfortunately for Charlie he only has little legs and his trousers were wet from top to bottom, luckily I had taken spares.  Then we got jumped on by a very fussy, very wet dog which was horrible, but quite funny.  The dog was bigger than Charlie and nearly knocked him off his feet, bless him.

The funniest moment had to be while we were sat on a bench having some lovely fruit pastilles Faye decided to shout bogies at the top of her voice, closely followed by Charlie (Anyone that has kids that watch Dick and Dom will know the reason why.)  Just at that moment a rather well to do older couple were walking past with their dog.  They gave us a really strange look and hurried on past.  I nearly choked on my sweet and had tears literaly rolling down my face .  Of course that was it for the rest of the walk.  All that could be heard was my two screeching bogies as loudly and as many times as possible.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Bitch!

Why is it girls that some months when the dreaded period arrives we can just merrily go about life? It doesn't affect you in amy way, you just simplycarry on like any other day, But every once in a while you turn into a raving lunatic.  You know you are being irrational but you really cannot help yourself.  Well, that is how I feel today....

Not yet deceided whether I want to laugh, cry, scream, throw things around a bit, or do all of those things whilst running round naked.

I've tried tackling some writing and that isn't happening, so I thought ok, I 'll sort out all of the rubbish in my wardrobe.  Big mistake.  That ended up with a major strop.  Picked everything back up and threw it all back in slamming the doors after it. 

What about feet up and read my book? I haven't had a day like that in ages.  But can't concentrate on that either.

So, I put my CD on full blast and had a good old sing whilst tackling some ironing.  You can't beat a singalong to Meredith Brooks 'Bitch'.  Remember that? "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint.  I do not feel ashamed. I'm hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing inbetween.  Perfect.  Feel so much better now.

Plan for the rest of the day. I have no idea....  

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Dark Nights!

Well the kids are all back at school and within the space of three days it feels like autumn is well and truly here.  The leaves on my hedge at the bottom of the garden have started turning red and that is a sure fire sign that summer is well and truly over and done with.  Did it ever get started this year? I think not.

So, here I am, it's just gone eight o'clock the blinds are closed, the lights are on and it's pitch black outside.  More to the point it's freezing cold.  I will not succumb and turn on the heating.  Instead I'm sat in my office (Hahaha I wish) dinning room table writing away with my spotty, pink, fluffy slippers on and 2 cardigans. 

The only good thing about the colder months is that I tend to get more writing done,  I'm definitely a bad weather writer.  When the sun is out I like to be outdoors,  Days out with the kids and spending time in the garden are the best way to spend sunny days.  I see those months as gathering my ideas and then when the bad weather comes I can sit and make sense of them all.  That's the general idea, although it doesn't always work, it does ironically make sense to me. 

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Sunday Afternoons!

It's been a while since I have had a Sunday afternoon this this.  One child is having a snooze the other is happily playing on her nintendo ds.  Which gives me a lovely half an hour of peace and quiet.  These last few weeks have been a little crazy.  What with the school holidays and my recent hot dates. I don't feel like I have had a minute to myself.

The school holidays are all well and good but I am so praying for Tuesday now.  The uniform is all bought, ironed and labelled up.  The new packed lunch bag is good to go and the end is almost in sight.

The down side is no more little lie ins, but it's a small price to pay.  There are only so many trips to the park, farm and seaside that you can take.  I love a family day out but enough is enough. For a start my bank account is sadly deflated. Then there is the constant bickering, arguing and why is it always my garden that every child in the street flocks to? 

Next week will be back to military precision organisation in a morning which will probably involve me doing a lot of shouting but at least I will have a few precious hours of sanity back.  A much needed chance to get down to some serious writing and get the dreaded next assignment tackled, which I must admit I haven't a clue where to start with it, but I'm sure with a bit of careful thought I'll get there.  

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Sleep!

Why is it you wake up at some ridiculous time of the morning, in my case 2 o'clock, and lay there for the rest of the night unable to go back to that lovely dream you were having?

So, I woke up at 2 and despite my very best efforts I was still awake at 4.  My brain just started thinking about random rubbish and refused to shut down.  I was planning what to buy for my daughters pack lunches for next week when she is back at school.  Which led to I need to get her uniform ironed and labelled.  Which than led to what we were going to have for tea and than onto what I was going to wear today.   Arrrrrgh!  Just go to sleep..

I tried reading my book which didn't work as it was getting to the good bit, I got up and made a drink. I turned the light out and closed my eyes which just ignited the thoughts further because I started thinking about things that I could write about.  The duvet was on because I was cold than I was hot so is was thrown off.  I turned this way and that before finally about 4 nodding back off.

Only to be wide awake at 6.  What was going on?  Typically it was my first day in months that I could have had a lie in.   The children had slept out over-night and yet here I was up earlier than ever.  By this time I was so fed up that I got up, made my first coffee of the day and started work on all those little ideas I had had.  4 coffees later I am still here...