Sunday, 29 April 2012

Weeing in the bath!

My stress levels this week have been sky high.  What with ex-husbands, divorce issues and poorly kids,  it's been pretty horrific.  After a few to many glasses of wine last night, followed by a trip to the supermarket with two kids in the pouring rain things weren't getting to much better.  My head was pounding.

With dinner out the way and a rainy afternoon stretching in front of me, I settled the kids in front of the TV with a DVD and load of toys nearby to keep them entertained. I sneaked upstairs for a much longed for relaxing soak in the bath. I turned on the taps, added loads of lovely bubble bath and waited for the patter of feet to come bounding up the stairs.  There was nothing but the sound of them playing and laughing.  Result! I had got away with part 1. With some nice chill out music my treat was complete. I sank into the boiling hot water, beneath the bubbles and closed my eyes.  Bliss! For 2 seconds anyway. 

My heart stopped when I heard the sound of someone coming up with stairs.
"Mummy, where are you?" shouted Charlie.
"I've run away." came me reply.
"ohh mummy no you haven't you are in the bath.  Faye! Faye! mummy's in the baaatttthhhh." came the shout from Charlie.
"Im getting in, I'm getting in." they shouted.
"No way" I shouted "Go away for five minutes and leave me alone." 

Yeah right, as if that was ever going to happen.  They hung around the side of the bath splashing me with water and shoving bubbles in my face.  Thanks Kids.  They thankfully soon got bored of that and disappeared.  Finally! I closed my eyes again.  I should have known better the sounds of, come and do the conga, blasted from Faye's bedroom.  You have got to be kidding me!

OK, things were not going according to plan, but if a slid further under the water I could drown out the world and pretend I was alone for a few minutes. I had slipped under the water when I felt something plop into the bath.  Followed by another plop and yet another.  Feeling around in the water.  I was horrified to find that they were now throwing plastic snakes, cockroaches and spiders in.  "Your in big, big, massive trouble when I get out this bath" I shouted but the sound of giggles filled the air, before a huge dinosaur came flying towards me.  "Arrgggh, one, two, three ..."

Before I knew what was happening, Charlie had decided he could wait no longer and clambered into the bath, naked except for his socks.
 "taadaa," he proclaimed "I'm in mummy". 
"hmmm, I can see that Charlie"
"haahaa," he laughed "I'm gonna wee in your bath"
"Don't you dare .." but it was to late
"I have mummy, I really have."
"Chaaarrrliiieee," I screeched, before grabbing my towel and storming out the bathroom.  I should have known better to think that I could get away that, I really should. 

The only bonus to the whole escapade is that they have their PJ's on before 5pm and it will be a very early night for them.  Haha, There is a god!

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Little Writers in the making.

Faye has been off school ill today.  She started to get a bit fed up earlier and my suggestions of colouring or reading a book fell on deaf ears.  Suddenly she jumped up,
"I know" she said, "I think I will write a book, just like you mummy." Aww bless her, I thought to myself.  She frantically searched the bedroom for some paper.
"Mummy, if I'm gonna write a book I need your special pen, don't I?" I relented and let her use my 'special' pen. She swifty set about writing her story all about a Princess who fell in love with a handsome Prince.  They kissed each other, got married, had a girl baby who was good and a boy baby that was nasty and then another baby.  They all lived in the same house and the girl grew up and married another handsome Prince.

After 3 pages of writing she declared the story to be finished because her arms were aching and she couldn't write anymore. 
"Good enough reason to me kid" I said.  Reading her story gave me a little warm fuzzy feeling inside.  Aww my baby.

Then Charlie comes up.
"Mummy, I'm gonna tell you a story," he said. "Once upon a time there was a big, big, massive monster.  He knocked on the door. Knock, knock, knock.  He opened the door and shouted I'm gonna eat you all up.  Then he bit all their heads off.  They all lived happily ever after.  The end."
"Hmm, yeah, very good Charlie." I said.  "Do you really think they would live happily ever after, if they had no heads?"
"Yep, because then he would spit them all back out again"
"OK, think we get the picture, thank you."

So, I'm proud to say that I have a wannable romance writer and a budding horror writer.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Bad to Worse!

I just don't know where to start today.  So much to say and so little time to say it.  My bed is calling big time!

We'll start with the good stuff.  I attended my first session on my course and despite feeling really apprehensive and nervous all day, I loved every minute of it.  It was only a small group just 10 of us.  We did some writing exercises and discussed an award winning short story.  We didn't have to read what we had written to the class but I took the bull by the horns, and I'm really proud of myself because I did it. not once or twice but on three occasions. I was pleasantly surprised by the feedback I was given from just some of my random thoughts and notes, so all in all I was really pleased with how that went. I'm really looking forward to next week.

Now for an update on the whole divorce situation.  Firstly, I've been wondering if my ex has some in built radar for ruining my day.  I can guarantee every time I have plans to do something he intentionally or otherwise do something to piss me off big time.

I received a letter today from my solicitor stating, "Mr Baker would like to request I attend mediation to discuss matters..." Well that was like a red rag to a bull.  I seriously could not believe what I was seeing.  I requested this 18 months ago, attended the initial appointment, which he, incidentally, failed to attend.  He has told me in no uncertain terms that he is not going to mediation because we can't talk to each other anyway, so what's the point (actually, that's the whole point of it.) I have since requested this on 2 further occasions to be met with a brick wall.

Now, all of a sudden he expects me to jump.  My response to that is GET LOST YOU BLEEP, BLEEP IDIOT!

I am also seriously considering changing my solicitor she can talk the talk but is not walking the walk.  She has sent a further letter to me regarding a form I completed in June last year and confirming the totally the wrong information.  "ARRRRRRRGGGGHH"

As if my day could get any worse, I now have Faye burning up and shivering.  I am hoping against hope that she is not coming down with another dose of tonsillitis.  My stress levels are currently through the roof and so I am going to go and get tucked up in my bed with my book and will probably toss and turn with various thoughts running through my head all night.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Nervous!

It's my first session on my new course at Hull University tomorrow and I'm started to feel a little bit nervous now.  I was working out it's been almost 15 years since I was last in a classroom environment.  Where does time go? 

Not only will I be meeting new people, which I really aren't very good at. I don't do all the small talk stuff very well. I will have to write within the classroom and allow the other students to critique it (gulp) and then, as if things could get any worse, read my writing out loud to the the class (think I may turn and run away now) I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow.

Firstly, I have not as yet allowed anyone to read my scribblings and pathetic attempts at story writing.  What if it gets ripped to shreds and it turns out that I am actually rubbish...My stomach is doing flip flops now and the butterflies are really kicking in.  In a weird way I am looking forward to having some feedback on my writing, at least I will know whether to carry on, or just give it up as another one of my daft crazes. I have had plenty of them over the years.

Why do I put myself through it? I should just carry on with the course I was already doing (which, i may add, I am still half way through and will be working at the same time) If I didn't need sleep it would be so much easier to fit everything in.

That's now 3 courses I have running; a job, 2 kids to look after, as well as a house to keep and a garden that is currently looking like a jungle and desperately needs some TLC, and 2 guinea pigs.  There seriously aren't enough hours in the days.  I do get myself into some things.  At least I can't complain that life is boring.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

No more books!

I have been so lazy this weekend.  The kids were at their dads and normally it's a chance for me to catch up on some work, for my assignments, or get some serious writing done.  The laptop is switched on as soon as they leave, and that is pretty much where I stay until they return. 

This weekend I have done no work at all.  Instead I have sat and read, read a bit more and read even more.  I honestly cannot remember the last time that I have had a proper weekend off.  To sit and do what I love the most.  Why is it then that I now feel so guilty and incredibly lazy. 

Anyway, I finished the book I was reading, the amazing "Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer," at 1.30 this morning.  Which has left me with the major decision of what to read next.  I spent half an hour going through my book case and I am ashamed to say that I have counted 98 unread books on my shelves. Then there's 30 unread books downloaded to my Kindle, 5 or which are complete works compilation's which will take months to get through.

I probably read on average a book a week.  So that's enough books to keep me busy for the next 2 years. When I purchased my new bookcase a year ago, I selected my favourite books to almost fill it.  Every book stood upright, clearly displayed and in an organised manor.  Now, the books sit 2 deep and squashed in any old way.

It's like I have an addiction to buying books.  I can't help myself. I have done a little bit of research into my problem and discovered that I have Bibliophilia, which is the love of books.  I am also a bookworm because I love books for their content, and love reading in general. 

I wonder how long it is before I make my next purchase... And, I still haven't decided what to read next!

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Rules, Rules, Rules!

Faye doesn't talk much about mine and he dad's seperaration.  She never has.  I have learnt the best way to deal with her is to leave her to deal with things at her own pace. Questioning and trying to probe answers out of her gets us nowhere.  She just clams up.  Faye deals with things in her own way and when she is ready she lets us know.

Yesterday, I was sat chatting at my mum's and Faye is happily playing on the floor.  All of a sudden she says "do you know something mummy? At daddies, it's just rules, rules, rules."
"oh yeah" I said. She stood up and placed one hand on her hip.
"Rule number 1," she informed me " no being noisy. Rule number 2, no running in the house." sighing, she shakes her head.  "Rule number 3, no jumping."
"right" I said.
"there's more mummy" she said sternly.  That was me told!
"rule number 4, no eating in the living room.  We have to have breakfast, dinner and tea at the table."
"right" By this point I am starting to think is this for real.  OK they are ideal rules but they are kids.  I have boudaries in my house, and they know what they can and can't do and when they have to far.

Kids need to be kids.  When they have been at school all day and made to sit and conform they need to come home and let off steam,  Yes, I shout and tell them off when they are running around at 60 miles at hour and bouncing off the walls.  When the noise level is ear splitting and all I want is a little bit of peace and quiet.  But they are Kids.  Good Kids at that, just doing what every kid does.

Is there any wonder that they really don't like spending time with him.  It's so hard to hear them say things like that. It rips me up inside and I feel so guilty because every other weekend I pack their bags and send them on their way. Yet, they say most of the time that they want to go. I want them to go because I want them to a have a relationship with him.  Sometimes I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I can't do right for doing wrong.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Divorce Progress and Charlie's got a girlfriend!

I have had some paperwork from my solicitor and my ex has finally filed the Form of Acknowledgement so I can now proceed and apply for my Decree Nisi.  This divorce has dragged on for so long and we are only just getting off the starting markers.  I first saw my solicitor in September 2010 and here we are almost 19 months later. 

It's funny how he wanted the divorce to go ahead, yet he has been dragging his heels and suddenly they announce the pregnancy and hey presto he speeds things up.  hmmm.  He didn't even have the decency to get divorced before starting his "new family".  I can see straight through him and I know his game.  He has been to "nice" lately, wanting to chat and stuff.  That's always a sign that he is up to something and trying to get me on side.  He had better watch his step because I will always be one step ahead of him. and I don't fall for his patter anymore.

I just wait and pray for the day when the divorce is through and then I can really sweep the whole sorry mess under the carpet and properly move forward with my life, on my own, and without still feeling tied to him.

Moving onto a happier topic, Charlie has a girlfriend and he is proud as punch.  Bless him, every time her name is mentioned his eyes twinkle and he can't wipe the cheeky grin off his face.  She was the new girl at his playgroup and they have taken a little shine to each other.  In fact, they were inseparable for the whole session.  Young love. How sweet and Innocent and so far removed from real life. How I wish everything could be that simple.

Faye on the other hand has 3 boyfriends in tow at the moment and is finding it really difficult to decide which one she likes the best "I think mummy," she said to me earlier, "that I will just marry them all!".  Trying to explain that you can really only marry one, she looked at me and said but what about if daddy marries his girlfriend because she is having a baby."Hmm, erm, OK ..." It's so difficult trying to explain the in's and outs of it all to a 6 year old.  I chickened out and said "If I were you Faye, I wouldn't get married at all." Yep, that's the very cynical me popping up.  To which she responded "oh OK" before skipping off.  Phew.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Charity Cold Callers

I had a knock at my door earlier and it was a representative from a well known charity cold calling.  Now, I really don't like it when they do this. They catch me off guard, usually when I'm up to my eye's in bathing and doing the whole bedtime routine with the kids.  They start off all friendly,
"Hiya, madam, really sorry to bother you, I can see you busy but ...
"Actually, yeah I am too busy, now go away" is what I really want to say, but I actually stand there politely and listen to their patter.  Then they say "for as little as 28p per day, you can make all the difference ..." All they want me to do is sign on the dotted line and hand over my bank details.

I really wish I could do for more for charity.  When I listen to them say about the plight of the people that the charities are helping, be it adults or children, it hits a nerve.  But in reality, I simply cannot afford to set up direct debits to every charity that knocks on my door.

What I don't like about it is that they target you in your home.  You are confronted with a person that is laying it on thick.  The guy tonight said "just imagine you could help a child live a life like your children have here, with a comfortable home, clean clothes and food on the table." How guilty did it then make me feel saying no.

I just wonder what percentage of the money that is donated is going to pay peoples wages to knock on my door in the first place, to pay for the TV advertising and the people at the top with huge salaries.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Inspirational weekend.

It's been a few days since my last post but I have been away for the weekend.  I took the kids and along with nanna and grandad we stayed in a Georgian house in the centre of Whitby.  The house itself was amazing if not a little spooky, but in a good way.

The house itself was once an old theatre which has since been converted.  It nestled between 4 churches in cobbled back streets, I fell in love with it straight away. However, I am sure there were ghostly presences.  Nothing happened, it was just a feeling. Just maybe it was my imagination running riot again.  Picturing ladies wandering the corridors and old butlers haunting the cellar, while a tragic actress was murdered in the theatre and she is still searching for her long lost love.  There I go again! I managed to keep all the adults awake most of the night planting those little thoughts.  Sorry!

Getting back on track.  The huge kitchen / dinning room was in the basement and in all fairness I wouldn't have gone down there on my own.   I made sure I took up a drink up to bed with me. There would be no way I would have gone down there on my own in the middle of the night.The second floor had two large lounges, the first floor had 2 huge double bedrooms and the top floor, were the kids slept, were 2 attic bedrooms. My bedroom was amazing. It really was like a scene out of a movie with it's four poster bed. I spent most of the first night just jotting down ideas and notes for stories.  I really did find the house a very creative place.  I would have loved to have stayed longer.

The full weekend was very creative and relaxing.  I got to have great fun with the kids.  Running and laughing down Whitby pier at gone 8 o'clock at night, the sun just setting, the wind stinging your cheeks and making your eyes water, it was absolutely freezing but it just made me feel alive. 

My notes books are full and I feel refreshed and raring to go again. 

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Errant Fathers

I read a letter in my local newspaper the other day and the subject really hit a chord.  A young single mum of three, has been found guilty of neglecting her children,  She left them home alone while she went for a night out! Now, I do not agree with that at all. 

The writer of the letter made a good point stating that society today allows the father to get away with shirking their responsibilities and there is no shame on them for just walking away.  This is totally true.  My husband walked and that was that  I had no say in the matter.  He had made his decision.  He was free to immediately start a new relationship, moved in with her 3 months later and now dropped the bombshell that she is expecting his baby. 

Another mouth to feed!  What happens when he gets bored again or things start to get a tough.  Will he walk out again? Leaving another mother to bring up their child/ children alone.  What deterrent is there to stop this behaviour?  Nothing!  He flaunts his relationship like he's doing nothing wrong. Yet, legally he is still married to me.

Yes, he has regular contact with my children and he pays regular maintenance.  But he is not a proper dad.  He only has the children at his stated times.  Any extra hours he has them for are, and I quote "favours".  When the children are ill.  Does he take time off work to care for them? Not a chance.  When I have plans, well that is my problem.  He fails to see how any actions he takes effects my children.  His attitude is that, they are children and should just accept what they are told.  Take for instance, the fact that Charlie has now lost his bedroom at daddies house. His room will be for the new baby.  Charlie is not very happy about having to sleep in what he sees as Faye's bedroom, but Charlie has just been told that it is tough.

It is going to be an interesting and I can see difficult few months ahead...  I'm bracing myself for an inevitable rocky ride.

Getting back to the single mum above.  I'm lucky that I have a good support network.  People that I can call at the drop of a hat and ask for help. I know that there is always someone there.  Even if it's just on the end of the phone to have a good old rant and rave.  What support did the young girl have, I wonder?

It's tough being on your own.  The responsibilities on your shoulders 24 / 7 and sometimes you don't want to be mum.  Just for a few hours you want to just be yourself.  You want to be able to let your hair down and just be free to have a good time and forget all the stresses and strains. There are days when the children play you up and you just feel absolutely at the end of your tether.  Somedays I have thought I could walk out the door and disappear.  Whilst I don't condone what she did, I do understand how you could be tempted to do it.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Back to Work!

It was back to work today and typically the sun has been shinning.  At least I have some more holidays booked and only tomorrow to work before I have another 5 days off.  The bad news is that I will have to get up and organised in the morning.  The kids have been sleeping in just recently and it's been lovely to get up around 8 and have a leisurely breakfast. For the first time in years I have been able to sit and have half hour read before tackling the chores,  Tomorrow will be back to the normal whirlwind up, kids dressed, rush, rush, rush!

I have signed up for a short course at Hull University today.  I am actually considering doing a degree course, but at the moment, I just can't commit the time due to having Charlie still not of school age. I have however found a 10 week course, on short story writing, which sounds right up my street.  It runs on a Wednesday night so I don't have to juggle work hours and my mum has very kindly stepped up to mark and agreed to be my babysitter.  I don't know what I would do without her

Friday, 6 April 2012

Men in White Coats!

The men in white coats are about to knock on my door and drag me away kicking and screaming.  That's the way it is today! I have gone stark stirring bonkers. I feel like running from room to room screaming at the top of my voice whilst tearing my hair out.  I could even rip all my clothes off for good measure and run around naked. The kids are driving me insane and the padded cell is imminent.

In typical back holiday fashion, it's raining.  The kids are stuck indoors for the umpteenth day and the sound of "muuuummy" "arrrrr, Faye's hit me, arrrr Charlie's done this"  fills the air.  Is it too early to open the wine yet, I wonder.  Glancing at the clock, it's only just gone 4.  Maybe in an hour or so. 

The only thing that is keeping my going at moment is that is just over an hour I will be tucking into fish and chips for tea, with a side order of bread and butter, all smothered in salt and vinegar.  Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.  At least when the knock comes I will have a full stomach.

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Pre-school Injections

It was an appointment with the nurse today for little mister Charlie.  His MMR booster and Pre-school jabs were due.  He was not a happy boy.  When I informed him of his impending visit, he merely pouted his lips, folded his arms and stamped his foot, before stating, in no uncertain terms "No, I amn't going!"

Needless to say I was dreading it.  What if he kicked off in the waiting room and refused to go in.  I had visions of having to drag him through, whilst he desperately grabbed hold of any inanimate object.  Not to mention the the screams once the needles were inflicted.

His name was called and he wandered gingerly into the room. So far so good. Once in he proceeded toe wrap himself in my cardigan and point blank refused to look at the two, yes not one but two nurses, waiting to inflict the needles.  Disentangling him, I managed to sit down in the allotted chair where he wrapped his legs around me and clung to my neck like a little monkey.  "one, two, three" said the nurse before bang, quick as a flash the job was done and he had to little red pin pricks in each arm.  Apart from a winch and a flinch, he was a very brave boy and not a scream or a tear in sight. 

I had to smile on our way out as he proudly displayed his stickers to the waiting room, where a screaming 3 year old was refusing to go through the door.  What a palaver.  I was so relieved that I was spared that embarrassment as he happily headed to the toy shop for the eagerly awaited Scooby Doo action figures.  Blackmail can really be a wonderful tool sometimes!

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

The day is over. Finally!

Ever had one of those days, where you just can't wait to get the kids to bed? They haven't been particularly naughty today, in fact they have been fairly good, they have just been so noisy and all I want is a bit of peace and quiet. I walked in the door at 5.30pm and it's been non-stop chatter, chatter, chatter ever since.  Then Faye starts the singing and moves on to performing puppet shows.  All very entertaining normally, but not tonight. 

I have now got them both tucked up in bed and just debating whether to open the bottle of wine and the chocolate or just have the wine . Hmm decisions.

I am now looking forward to a lovely 6 days off work.  I had booked the day off tomorrow with the plan of taking the kids out for the day but with the weather the way it is at the moment, that may not now happen. I should have known by now that the weather is always rubbish when the kids are on school holidays. No doubt we will have fun whatever we decide to do.

It will just been nice to have a lovely sleep in in the morning.  The kids have been sleeping until about 8am, and that will do me just fine. The thought of being able to get up and have a leisurely breakfast and slob about for a bit in my PJ's is lovely.  Usually as soon as I open my eyes it's all go, go, go.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

What a week!

It's been all go this week. I don't feel like I have had a minute to myself.  It's been an endless round of Easter bonnet parades. Prior to that I had the joy of making them.  Spending 3 nights surrounded by mountains of tissue paper, glue and googly eyes is not my idea of fun.  I definitely aren't creative in that area.  I hate anything to do with making things and needless to say my living room was filled with expletives on more than one occasion.  At least now that is all done and dusted and my creations will be safely stowed away until next year.
Yesterday was spring cleaning day.  I moved through the house like a whirlwind.  I was a woman on a mission and at time  the kids were scared to breathe never mind move. I now have a very large amount of rubbish to dispose of.  How the hell do I accumulate such an amount of clatter and junk? I do wish my kids would stop growing as well.  I have black bags brimming with barely worn shoes and clothes that have all been outgrown.

After a 7 hour cleaning session my house is now clutter free and sparkling clean, it won't last long, so I will enjoy it while it does. Last night I barely moved off the sofa.  Well, just far enough, to the fridge and back to top up the wine glass.